On January of this year (2010), I made the same New Years resolution I always make.... to lose weight. But this year was different for me, because I knew I needed to do something or subject myself to health issues. I don't wanna die young... So why was this still a hard decision?
I didn't have faith in myself to do any program on my own. I had failed so many times before. I knew that if I went to my husband and asked to join another program, he would just tell me that I was gonna waste more money..I just needed to stop eating so much and everything would be fine. I can't tell you how sick I was of hearing someone tell me how to lose the weight. How could they understand when they didn't have a weight issue! If it was that easy, why I was I still dealing with weight problems? I don't think anyone plans to be fat unless of course you are trying to go for a Guiness World Record.
I decided I would check into a few things on my own without anyone knowing. This way I could prepare my sales pitch to my husband if I decided to go the route. In the back of my mind, I was thinking I would just fail again like in the past. I could hear the I told you so. Everyone is a diet "expert" and can tell you exactly what to do. The bottom line and realization I came too is that in reality this was my journey. There was noone that could do it for me....the only way I could succeed was with my own committment. There were no past, present, or future issues that was picking up the food for me, holding me down, and forcing it into me. I did this to myself... And I was the only person that could get ME out.
I never said a word to anyone about my plan to lose weight this year. I just kept it to myself. I had gone to lunch several times and saw the Medifast Clinic that was in my area. I had tried Medifast years ago but didn't give it any time to work. I wasn't willIng at that time, to step away from my old ways and give it a real effort. The weeks I did it, I remember that I did lose weight. Fed up and ready to do this, I made an appointment with Medifast for a free evaluation. I never told anyone. I was prepared to start the program and get going. The day I went in, I was actually excited. After talking with staff, It was determined that I had around 150 pounds to lose. Then they hit me with the cost for the program....I have to be perfectly honest, I think my heart skipped a beat.. I immediately told the lady there was no way that my husband would say we could afford it...and that didn't cover food! I was practically in tears and thought what have I done! I just wasted these nice folks time.....what if I failed...
The lady saw that I was clearly upset and tried to get me to look at the big picture...To see how it could work...but I was too busy thinking about how big my butt was still gonna be tomorrow. I took all the info, thanked them and left. I was so depressed because I just thought the program would help me. Over the next couple of days, I did more research on the web and looked over the program and all the comments. I didn't see anything negative, and there was a great record of success. I had yet to mention my considering the program with my husband out of fear, not wanting the verbal comments, and not wanting to hear him say no. My husband and I got into a conversation on evening. I'll never forget the moment...sitting on the sofa, watching Biggest Loser eating a bowl of Ice Cream and crying for the folks on TV as if I wasn't one of them. It was pretty pathetic. I felt for them. I understood all the emotions. My husband commented, and I lashed back at him. In the conversation, I mentioned my hush hush visit to Medifast and totally lost it. I was very surprised to hear my husband say he would help me any way he could, and would support me in whatever decission I made. He told me if I really thought this program would help to go for it! I made the return call the next day. I was about to begin again, but I had alot riding on it this time, most importantly my health.
I got my food and everything and was ready to go... I'm not looking back this time...full speed ahead!
Tomorrow, I will share with you about starting the program, how it's been working for me, my thoughts, feelings, etc.
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